Hi and welcome to SheldonCooperQuotes.net. We are the premier site on the web keeping track of all the funny quotes mentioned by the beloved Dr. Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. You can read below some of the best Sheldon quotes hand-picked by our editors, see all the quotes collected from the first episode of the Big Bang Theory until the last one in our Latest Sheldon Cooper Quotes category, or choose quotes resulting from specific interactions between Sheldon and the other characters on the big bang theory show: Sheldon and Penny Quotes, Sheldon and Amy Quotes, Sheldon and Leonard Quotes, Sheldon and Howard Quotes or Sheldon and Raj Quotes.
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Best Sheldon Cooper Quotes
1.Amy Farrah Fowler: Gentlemen, as much as I’m sure Sheldon would enjoy playing intergalactic make-believe, he and I have other plans. We are attending my Aunt Flora’s 93rd birthday party.
Sheldon Cooper: Just tell her I can’t come.
Amy Farrah Fowler: She’ll be disappointed if we don’t show up.
Sheldon Cooper: She’s 93. She won’t be disappointed for very long.
2.Sheldon Cooper: [reading red paint on the wall] “See you in hell Sheldon…” The most frightful thing about that is the missing comma!
3.Howard Wolowitz: [after everyone cheers for him and his team design going to space] It gets better! Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is!
Sheldon Cooper: Mohammed Lee.
[everyone's looking confused]
Howard Wolowitz: Who’s Mohammed Lee?
Sheldon Cooper: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world, and Lee the most common surname. As I didn’t know the answer, I thought that gave me a mathematical edge.
4.Raj Koothrappali: I don’t know if I want to play anymore.
Sheldon Cooper: Because you don’t have a girlfriend? Good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play Dungeons & Dragons, this game’s in serious trouble.
5.Howard Wolowitz: You gotta like this. The girlfriend and the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.
Leonard Hofstadter: Kill me.
Sheldon Cooper: It wouldn’t help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.
6.Leonard Hofstadter: She wants to have dinner and talk about my research.
Sheldon Cooper: An entire dinner to talk about your research? Where are you going, the drive-thru at Jack In the Box?
7.Penny: So, how you been?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, my existence is a continuum, so I’ve been what I am at each point in the implied time period.
8.Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?” The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”
9.Sheldon Cooper: I would advise the three of you that resistance is futile. I have infinite patience. I once spent two-and-a-half hours on hold with Hewlett-Packard customer service just to complain about their customer service.
10.Sheldon Cooper: My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user friendly than Windows Vista. I don’t like that.
11.Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon is trying to teach Penny about physics, but she's having a rough go of it] Why are you crying?
Penny: Because I’m stupid!
Sheldon Cooper: That’s no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and it makes me sad.
12.Sheldon Cooper: Interesting. Sex works even better than chocolate to modify behavior. I wonder if anyone else has stumbled onto that?
13.Sheldon: Howard, you know me to be a very smart man. Don’t you think if I were wrong, I’d know it?
14.Sheldon Cooper: Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
15.Sheldon Cooper: I realize you’re currently at the mercy of your primitive biological urges, but as you have an entire lifetime of poor decisions ahead of you, may I interrupt this one?
16.Sheldon Cooper: I must say, Howard, I think a detailed letter to MIT describing your current circumstances might entitle you to a refund on your Master’s degree.
17.Sheldon Cooper: Penny, I realize you’re also on your own tonight so if at some point you find yourself with nothing to do, please do not disturb me.
18.Sheldon Cooper: Of the handful of women Leonard’s been involved with, she’s the only one I have ever found tolerable.
Penny: Well, what about me?
Sheldon Cooper: The statement stands for itself.
19.[Koothrappali and Wolowitz have been using a video camera to spy on Leonard's date with Penny]
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon! How could you just sit there and let them spy on me?
Sheldon Cooper: They were clever, Leonard: they exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.
20.Penny: I get it! Leonard has no business being involved with a waitress-slash-actress who felt so insecure that she lied to him about finishing community college.
Sheldon Cooper: Why would you lie about that?
Penny: Well, he was going on and on about this college and that grad school – and I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of stupid loser.
Sheldon Cooper: You thought the opposite of stupid loser was community-college graduate?
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